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Using Video Calls with a Person Who Has Dementia: A Practical Guide for Family Caregivers

Video calls can be a lifeline for staying connected when you can't be there in person, but they can also confuse or overwhelm someone with dementia. This guide helps you set up calls that feel safe and familiar, using the on-screen name label to aid recognition, keeping calls short and positive, and adjusting your approach as the disease progresses. You'll find concrete steps, phrases to say, and tools to make every call a moment of comfort rather than frustration.

Key points

  • Always introduce yourself by name at the start of the call, even if you think they know you.
  • Keep calls very short (3-10 minutes) and end while the interaction is still positive.
  • Use the on-screen name label to help with recognition.
  • Avoid testing memory or correcting mistakes; focus on validation and positive feelings.
  • If the call goes poorly, try again another day with a different approach.
  • Coordinate with facility staff if your loved one is in a care home.

Why Video Calls Can Be Confusing for Someone with Dementia

For a person with dementia, a video call presents a strange mix of familiar and unfamiliar. They see a face and hear a voice, but the person isn't physically there, which can be disorienting. Their brain may struggle to process the two-dimensional image, the delay in sound, and the lack of physical presence, leading to anxiety, agitation, or withdrawal. They might not recognize you at first, even if you are a close family member, because the context is so different from a real visit.

The Power of the Name on the Screen

One of the biggest advantages of video calls over phone calls is that the person's name often appears on the screen next to their face. This is a huge help for someone with dementia who is having trouble recognizing people. Seeing the name and face together can trigger a memory or a feeling of familiarity, making the interaction less stressful and more meaningful. Use this to your advantage by making sure the caller's name is visible before the call starts.

Short and Sweet: Rethinking What a 'Good' Call Looks Like

Many of us think a good phone or video call should last 20 or 30 minutes. With dementia, that expectation can set everyone up for failure. A five-minute call can be perfect. The person's attention span may be short, and they may tire quickly. The goal is not a long conversation but a positive, warm interaction that leaves them feeling good. It's okay to end the call while it's still going well, leaving them with a pleasant memory rather than a frustrating one.

General caregiving information, not medical advice. Check medications and major care changes with your clinician.

Step-by-step

  1. 1. Set up the device in a quiet, well-lit room with minimal background noise. Place the tablet or computer on a stable surface at eye level, so the person doesn't have to look up or down. Use a simple, large-font interface and close any other apps to avoid confusion.

  2. 2. Before the call, send a text or have someone in the room say, 'Grandma, it's time for a video call with Sarah. She'll be on the screen in a minute.' This gives them a moment to prepare and reduces the startle of a sudden face appearing.

  3. 3. When the call connects, start by saying your name clearly and slowly, even if you think they know you. For example: 'Hi Mom, it's me, your daughter, Lisa. I'm so happy to see you today.' This gives them the verbal cue to match the face on the screen.

  4. 4. Keep your first sentence simple and positive. Avoid asking questions like 'Do you know who this is?' which can feel like a test. Instead, say something like, 'It's so good to see you. I love your smile today.'

  5. 5. Use the person's preferred name frequently during the call. For example: 'Mom, I was thinking about the time we baked cookies together. Do you remember that?' This reinforces who you are and the connection you share.

  6. 6. Keep the conversation focused on one topic at a time. Use short sentences and pause often to let them respond. If they seem confused, gently repeat what you said or rephrase it simply. For example, instead of 'What did you have for lunch today?' say, 'I had soup for lunch. Did you have something good to eat?'

  7. 7. If the person becomes agitated or confused, don't push. Say something reassuring like, 'It's okay, we can talk another time. I love you.' Then end the call gently. You can try again later or the next day. The goal is a positive experience, not a long one.

  8. 8. After the call, send a follow-up text or have someone in the room say, 'That was a nice call with Lisa, wasn't it?' This helps reinforce the positive feeling and may help them remember the interaction for a little longer.

What not to do

  • Don't test their memory by asking 'Do you remember me?' or 'Do you know who this is?' This can make them feel embarrassed or defensive. Instead, always introduce yourself by name at the start of the call.

  • Don't talk for a long time without pausing. A monologue can overwhelm them. Keep your sentences short and give them time to process and respond. If they are quiet, it's okay to just sit in comfortable silence for a moment.

  • Don't correct them if they say something wrong or don't recognize you. For example, if they call you by a different name, don't say 'No, it's me, Lisa.' Instead, just say, 'It's your daughter, Lisa. I'm so glad to talk to you.' This validates their feeling without making them feel wrong.

  • Don't have multiple people on the call at once unless the person is very comfortable with it. Multiple faces and voices can be confusing. A one-on-one call is usually best. If you want to include others, let the person know in advance and keep the group small.

  • Don't expect the call to go perfectly every time. Some days will be better than others. If a call doesn't go well, don't take it personally. It's the disease, not the person. Try again another day with a different approach.

Practical tools

  • The 'Name on Screen' Setup

    Before the call, make sure the caller's name is displayed on the screen. On most video call apps (like FaceTime, Zoom, or Skype), you can set your display name to your full name and relationship, e.g., 'Lisa (your daughter)'. This gives the person a visual cue to help with recognition.

  • The 'Five-Minute Call' Script

    Use this simple script for a short, positive call: 'Hi [Name], it's [Your Name]. I just wanted to say hello and tell you I love you. I was thinking about [a happy memory, like a vacation or a pet]. It made me smile. I hope you're having a good day. I'll talk to you soon. Bye for now.' This keeps it brief, warm, and focused on positive feelings.

  • The 'Reassurance' Phrase

    If the person seems confused or anxious during the call, use a phrase like: 'It's okay. I'm here with you. We're just talking. It's nice to hear your voice.' This validates their feelings without correcting them. Avoid saying 'Don't worry' or 'It's fine,' which can feel dismissive.

  • The 'Call Prep' Checklist

    Before each call, run through this checklist: (1) Device is charged and set up. (2) Room is quiet and well-lit. (3) Person is seated comfortably and not hungry or tired. (4) You have a simple topic in mind (e.g., a photo, a pet, a favorite song). (5) You are ready to keep the call under 10 minutes.

Discuss with your clinician

If the person with dementia becomes very agitated or aggressive during video calls, discuss with their doctor whether this is a sign of increased confusion or a side effect of medication.

If the person has vision or hearing problems that make video calls difficult, ask their doctor or an occupational therapist about assistive devices like large-screen tablets or amplified headsets.

If you are concerned that the person's confusion during calls is worsening rapidly, discuss this with their clinician as it may indicate a change in their condition or a need for a medication review.

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