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Deep focus on an odd activity

Key points

  • When your loved one is engrossed in an odd activity, first check for safety. If they are safe and content, do not interrupt.
  • These behaviors are often a way for the dementia-affected brain to self-soothe, reduce anxiety, or feel in control.
  • Do not ask 'What are you doing?' or correct them. This can cause confusion and frustration.
  • Use the activity as a clue: if they are fidgeting, offer a 'busy box' or fidget toy. If they are sorting, give them safe items to sort.
  • Join them without correcting. Sit nearby and do a similar activity yourself. Connection matters more than perfection.
  • Keep a log to identify triggers and patterns, and prepare activities that meet their needs before the behavior escalates.

General caregiving information, not medical advice. Check medications and major care changes with your clinician.

Step-by-step

  1. Pause and observe first. Before you react, take a deep breath and watch what your loved one is doing. Notice if they seem calm, happy, or focused. Ask yourself: Are they in any danger? Are they hurting themselves or others? If the answer is no, you have time to decide your next move.

  2. Do not interrupt or ask questions. Avoid saying things like 'What are you doing?' or 'Why are you doing that?' These questions can feel like a test and may cause anxiety. Instead, stay quiet or make a neutral comment like 'You seem really focused on that.'

  3. If they seem happy, leave them be. If the activity is harmless and they are enjoying themselves, the best thing you can do is nothing. Let them continue. This is a gift of calm for both of you.

  4. If you need to redirect (e.g., they are about to hurt themselves or the activity is unsafe), use a gentle distraction. Offer a different, similar activity that is safe. For example, if they are trying to eat a non-food item, you can say, 'Here, hold this soft cloth for me while I finish this,' and hand them a clean, safe fabric to fold.

  5. If the activity seems to be causing frustration (e.g., they are trying to open a package and getting upset), step in with help. Say, 'Let me give you a hand with that,' and complete the task together. Then quickly move to a new activity like sorting socks or looking at a photo album.

  6. Use the activity as a clue for what they need. If they are wadding paper, they may need a 'busy box' with items to sort, fold, or manipulate. If they are petting a pillow, they might enjoy a small stuffed animal or a soft blanket to hold. Prepare these items in advance so you can offer them next time.

  7. Join them without correcting. If they are folding towels 'wrong,' do not correct them. Instead, sit beside them and fold your own towels. The goal is connection, not perfection. As one expert says, 'We are not going for quality of the end product; we are going for participation.'

  8. If the behavior becomes repetitive to the point of exhaustion (e.g., pacing or constant fidgeting), offer a more structured activity like a simple puzzle, a fidget blanket, or a short video on a topic they love (like babies or nature). This can help channel the energy into a calming focus.

  9. Keep a log of what triggers these focused behaviors. Note the time of day, what happened just before, and what the person was doing. This can help you identify patterns and prepare activities that meet their needs before the behavior escalates.

  10. Take care of yourself. If you find yourself feeling frustrated or confused by these behaviors, step away for a few minutes. Breathe, remind yourself that this is part of the disease, and come back with a calm presence. Your loved one will pick up on your energy.

What not to do

  • Do not ask 'What are you doing?' This question can feel like an accusation and may cause the person to become defensive or confused. Instead, observe quietly and join them if appropriate.

  • Do not correct them or tell them they are doing it wrong. For example, if they are folding a shirt into a ball, do not say 'That's not how you fold it.' This can squash their enjoyment and make them feel criticized. Instead, let them do it their way.

  • Do not take the item away abruptly. If they are petting a pillow, do not snatch it away and say 'That's not a pet.' This can cause distress and agitation. Instead, gently offer a different item if needed, or let them continue.

  • Do not argue about what they are seeing or doing. If they say 'I'm petting the cat' and there is no cat, do not argue. Say something like 'That cat looks very soft' and join the moment. Arguing only increases anxiety for both of you.

  • Do not ignore the behavior if it is unsafe. If they are trying to eat something dangerous or wandering into a hazardous area, you must intervene. But do so calmly and with a distraction, not with a lecture.

  • Do not assume the behavior is meaningless. Even if it looks odd, it is serving a purpose for your loved one. It may be reducing anxiety, providing sensory input, or giving them a sense of control. Respect that purpose.

Practical tools

  • The 'Busy Box' or Rummage Box

    Prepare a box or basket filled with safe, interesting items for your loved one to sort, touch, and explore. Include things like fabric scraps, wooden spoons, large buttons, soft balls, or a small stuffed animal. The goal is to provide sensory stimulation without risk. You can also include items that are familiar to them, like old keys or a soft scarf. Present the box when you notice they are starting to fidget or seem restless.

  • Fidget Blanket or Fidget Toys

    A fidget blanket is a lap-sized blanket with attached items like zippers, ribbons, buttons, and soft patches. It gives the person something to do with their hands in a safe, contained way. You can also buy simple fidget toys like a textured ball or a small puzzle. These are especially helpful for people who pick at their clothing or try to undo buttons.

  • The 'Join Without Correcting' Script

    When you see your loved one engaged in an odd activity, use these phrases: 'That looks interesting.' 'You are really focused on that.' 'Can I sit with you while you do that?' Then, sit nearby and do a similar activity of your own (like folding napkins or sorting coins). This validates their choice without judgment.

  • Repetitive Household Tasks as Activities

    Many people with dementia find comfort in simple, repetitive chores. Set up a station with towels to fold, socks to match, or silverware to sort. Do not worry about the end result. The process itself is soothing. As one expert says, 'Who cares whether the t-shirt is folded up right? They felt like they were still participating in the world.'

  • Visual Distraction with Videos

    If your loved one is becoming agitated or stuck in a repetitive behavior, try a short video on a topic they love. For example, if they love babies, show a video of babies laughing. If they love nature, show a video of birds or ocean waves. This can shift their focus and calm them down. Use a tablet or TV, and sit with them to watch together.

  • The 'Observation Log'

    Keep a small notebook or note on your phone to track these behaviors. Write down: time of day, what they were doing, what happened just before, and how they seemed (calm, anxious, happy). Over time, you may see patterns. For example, the behavior might happen every day at 4 PM, which could be a sign of sundowning. This helps you plan activities to prevent the behavior from escalating.

Discuss with your clinician

If the focused behavior involves self-harm, like picking at skin or pulling hair, discuss with a doctor or occupational therapist for safe alternatives.

If the behavior is accompanied by new or worsening hallucinations or delusions, especially in Lewy body dementia, consult the neurologist or primary care provider.

If the person is trying to eat non-food items (pica), discuss with a doctor to rule out nutritional deficiencies and get guidance on safe redirection.

If the behavior is causing significant distress to the person (e.g., they are crying or yelling while doing it), a clinician can help assess for pain, infection, or medication side effects.

If you are considering using any medication to manage these behaviors, always discuss risks and benefits with the prescribing doctor first.

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