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Language activities you can do at a distance

Key points

  • Start with an invitation, not a question. Say 'I have something to show you' instead of 'Do you want to talk?'
  • Use the 'pregnant pause'—wait up to 10 seconds after asking a question to give the person time to process.
  • Validate emotions, not facts. If they say something untrue, acknowledge the feeling behind it.
  • Keep sessions short (5-10 minutes) and end on a positive note.
  • Use visual cues like holding up objects or photos to the camera.
  • Adapt the activity to the person's stage and type of dementia.

General caregiving information, not medical advice. Check medications and major care changes with your clinician.

Step-by-step

  1. Start with a warm, non-question invitation. Instead of asking 'Do you want to talk?' say something like, 'Oh, I have something special to show you. Can you come to the phone?' or 'I was just thinking about you and wanted to hear your voice.' This avoids the common 'no' response (source 3).

  2. Use a video call if possible. Seeing your face adds visual cues that help with understanding. Position the camera at eye level and ensure good lighting on your face. If the person is in a facility, ask staff to help set up the device.

  3. Begin with a simple, open-ended question about a positive memory. For example, 'I was just looking at a photo of us at the lake. Do you remember that day? What was your favorite part?' Wait for a response. Use the 'pregnant pause'—after you ask, stay quiet for up to 10 seconds to give them time to process (source 17).

  4. If the person struggles to find words, offer choices. Instead of 'What did you have for lunch?' say, 'Did you have soup or a sandwich for lunch?' This reduces the cognitive load and makes it easier for them to answer (source 21).

  5. Incorporate a shared sensory experience. For example, say, 'I am holding a soft scarf. Can you find something soft near you? Let's describe how it feels.' This creates a parallel activity that doesn't rely on perfect language (source 13).

  6. Use a simple object or picture as a conversation starter. Hold up a familiar object to the camera (like a coffee mug or a flower) and say, 'Look what I found! What do you think of this?' This gives a concrete focus and reduces the pressure to generate topics (source 4).

  7. Read a short, familiar poem or a few lines from a favorite book. Use a warm, expressive voice. After reading, ask a simple question like, 'Did that remind you of anything?' or just say, 'That was nice, wasn't it?' (source 15).

  8. If the person becomes agitated or says something like 'I want to go home,' do not correct them. Instead, acknowledge the emotion and redirect. Say, 'You miss home, don't you? Tell me about your home. What was your favorite room?' Then, after a few minutes, gently shift to a new topic, like 'I was thinking about the garden we used to plant. Do you remember the tomatoes?' (source 14).

  9. End the activity on a positive note. Say something like, 'It was so good to talk with you. I'll call again tomorrow. I love you.' This leaves them with a feeling of connection and anticipation, not failure (source 15).

  10. If the person is non-verbal or in later stages, focus on your tone and rhythm. Sing a familiar song, hum a tune, or just speak in a calm, rhythmic voice. The person may not understand the words, but they will feel the comfort of your presence (source 13).

What not to do

  • Do not start with 'Do you want to talk?' or 'Would you like to do an activity?' This almost always gets a 'no' because it puts the person on the spot. Instead, use an invitation like 'I have something to show you' (source 3).

  • Do not ask multiple questions in a row. This overwhelms the person's processing ability. Ask one question, then wait. If they don't answer, rephrase or offer a choice (source 21).

  • Do not correct them if they say something that isn't factually true. For example, if they say they saw their mother yesterday, don't say 'Mom passed away years ago.' Instead, say, 'You miss your mother, don't you? Tell me about her.' This validates the emotion and keeps the conversation flowing (source 14).

  • Do not talk too fast or use complex sentences. Dementia slows processing speed. Speak slowly, use short sentences, and pause between ideas. Imagine you are speaking to someone in a foreign country where you don't share a language (source 16).

  • Do not expect a long conversation. 5-10 minutes is often enough. If the person seems tired, distracted, or frustrated, end the call gracefully. Say, 'I have to go now, but I loved talking to you. I'll call again soon.' This prevents burnout (source 5).

  • Do not ignore hearing issues. If the person has hearing aids, make sure they are in and working before the call. If they don't have aids, speak clearly and consider using a phone with a volume boost. Hearing loss is a major barrier to communication (source 12).

Practical tools

  • The 'Pregnant Pause' Technique

    After you ask a question or make a statement, stay completely silent for up to 10 seconds. This gives the person time to process and respond. Many caregivers rush to fill the silence, but the pause is where the magic happens. As one source says, 'They'll reach up, touch the answer, smile, and then you'll start hearing stories' (source 17).

  • The 'Open and Curious' Redirect

    When the person says something that isn't real (like 'I want to go home'), instead of correcting, say, 'Oh, you're thinking about home. Tell me about your home. What's your favorite room?' This validates the feeling and naturally leads to a new topic. It's a three-step process: acknowledge the words, acknowledge the emotion, then ask an open question (source 8).

  • Visual Cues Over the Screen

    Hold up a familiar object, a photo, or a simple drawing to the camera. This gives the person a concrete focus. For example, hold up a coffee mug and say, 'I'm having coffee. What are you drinking?' This works better than an abstract question like 'How are you?' (source 4).

  • The 'Side-by-Side' Activity

    Instead of facing each other on the screen, do an activity together where you are both looking at something else. For example, both of you look out a window and describe what you see. Or both hold a similar object (like a flower) and talk about it. This reduces the pressure of direct eye contact and makes the conversation more natural (source 6).

  • The 'Just 5 Minutes' Rule

    Set a timer for 5 minutes. Tell yourself you only need to engage for that long. If it goes well, you can continue. If not, you can end without guilt. This lowers the pressure on both of you. As one expert says, 'Sometimes just breaking the routine... can be enough' (source 1).

  • A Pre-Written Script of Openers

    Keep a list of 3-5 simple, positive openers by the phone. Examples: 'I was just thinking about the time we...' or 'I saw a beautiful bird today. Do you like birds?' or 'I'm making your favorite soup. What's in it?' This helps you avoid freezing up and keeps the conversation flowing (source 7).

Discuss with your clinician

If the person has significant hearing loss, ask their doctor about hearing aids or other devices that can improve phone/video call clarity.

If the person becomes very agitated or distressed during calls, discuss with their clinician whether this approach is appropriate or if there are other strategies to try.

If the person has a history of seizures or epilepsy, check with their doctor before using video calls with flashing or moving images.

If the person is on medications that affect alertness (like sedatives), ask the clinician about the best time of day for calls.

Related guides

Sources