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Using Aromatherapy to Calm Both Caregiver and Loved One

Aromatherapy uses the tiny molecules of essential oils to gently influence the brain and body, even when a person with dementia cannot consciously identify the scent. This practice can help lower agitation, ease sundowning, and create a shared moment of calm for both you and the person you care for. The key is to start simple, observe reactions carefully, and weave scent into a consistent daily routine. With patience and a few practical tools, you can build a comforting sensory environment that supports everyone's well-being.

Key points

  • Start with one oil (lavender is best) and use it consistently at the same time each day, especially before sundowning.
  • Even if your loved one cannot smell the oil, the molecules still affect the brain and can promote calm.
  • Use a diffuser, personal diffuser dots, or scented lotion — choose the method that fits your situation best.
  • Pair aromatherapy with other calming activities like gentle touch, music, or a simple snack for maximum benefit.
  • Observe and adjust: keep a simple log to see what works and what does not, and stop any oil that causes irritation or agitation.
  • Use aromatherapy for yourself, too — a few deep breaths of lavender can lower your own stress and help you be more patient.

How Aromatherapy Works in Dementia Care

Essential oils contain very small molecules that, when diffused into the air, are inhaled and directly affect the limbic system — the part of the brain that controls emotion, memory, and arousal. This happens regardless of whether the person can consciously smell the oil. Even if your loved one has lost some sense of smell (a common change in dementia), the molecules still work on a physiological level to promote calm or alertness. Lavender, for example, has been shown in studies to reduce agitation and improve sleep, while citrus scents like lemon or orange can be energizing in the morning. The key is that aromatherapy is a low-risk, well-accepted intervention with no known harmful effects, making it a gentle first step before considering medications.

Why It Helps Both Caregiver and Loved One

Caregiving is inherently stressful, and your own emotional state directly affects the person you care for. When you are tense, your loved one picks up on that stress and may become more agitated. Aromatherapy offers a way to calm yourself in the same moment you are calming them. Taking a few deep breaths of lavender while you set up a diffuser can lower your own heart rate and help you approach the situation with more patience. This shared sensory experience — the same scent filling the room — creates a subtle but powerful connection. It is a form of self-care that also benefits the person you care for, helping you both find a moment of peace in a demanding day.

Starting with a Simple Routine

The most effective way to use aromatherapy is to make it a predictable part of your daily schedule, not just a reaction to crisis. For example, you might diffuse lavender at 3:00 PM every day to proactively head off sundowning, rather than waiting for agitation to peak. This kind of 'prescribing' of a sensory tool — scheduling it like a medication but without the side effects — can be very powerful. Start with one oil, like lavender, and use it consistently for a week. Observe your loved one's behavior: do they seem calmer? Do they sleep better? Then you can experiment with adding or rotating other oils. Always use a well-ventilated space and a small amount of oil at first, because some people may have a negative reaction to a strong scent.

General caregiving information, not medical advice. Check medications and major care changes with your clinician.

Step-by-step

  1. Start with lavender as your first essential oil, since it is the most studied, safest, and most familiar to people with dementia.

  2. Set up an ultrasonic diffuser in the room where you spend the most time, on a stable surface where it cannot be knocked over.

  3. Start the diffuser 30–60 minutes before sundowning typically begins (e.g., 3–4 PM) to proactively prevent agitation.

  4. Before turning on the diffuser, take three slow breaths (in 4, hold 4, out 6) to calm yourself and model relaxed breathing for your loved one.

  5. Pair the diffused scent with a connecting activity such as a gentle hand or foot rub, sitting close, or holding hands, as scent plus touch is more calming than scent alone.

  6. Use a personal inhaler, diffuser dot, or a cotton ball in a pocket for outings, car rides, or doctor visits when a diffuser is impractical.

  7. Keep a one-week log noting the time, oil used, and your loved one's mood before and after; switch to chamomile or frankincense if you see irritation or increased agitation.

  8. When your own stress rises, step away with a tissue holding one drop of lavender, breathe it in for 30 seconds in another room, then return to your loved one.

What not to do

  • Do not use strong or unfamiliar scents in large amounts; overwhelming doses can increase agitation.

  • Do not apply undiluted essential oils to skin; always mix with a carrier oil or use a pre-diluted lotion to prevent burns or allergic reactions.

  • Do not force a scent if your loved one pushes the diffuser away or turns their head; switch to a different oil, scented lotion, or gentler method.

  • Do not rely on aromatherapy as your only tool for severe agitation; also check for unmet needs (hunger, thirst, pain, bathroom) and contact a doctor if behavior becomes dangerous.

  • Do not use aromatherapy to replace medical treatment for depression, anxiety, or sleep disorders for yourself or your loved one; it is a complement, not a substitute.

  • Do not diffuse oils around pets without checking safety first; tea tree, eucalyptus, and many citrus oils are toxic to cats and dogs.

Practical tools

  • Ultrasonic Cool-Mist Diffuser

    A small, quiet device that disperses 3–5 drops of essential oil mixed with water into a fine mist. Choose one with automatic shut-off and a 100–200 ml capacity; place on a stable surface out of reach.

  • Personal Inhaler or Diffuser Dot

    A small adhesive pad or plastic tube that holds a drop or two of oil and clips to a collar or pocket, keeping scent close during outings. A plain cotton ball in a pocket is a low-cost alternative.

  • Calming Scented Dough

    Unscented Play-Doh or homemade bread dough with a single drop of lavender kneaded in. Repetitive squeezing pairs with the scent during the late-afternoon sundowning window.

  • Carrier Oil (Fractionated Coconut, Jojoba, or Sweet Almond)

    A neutral oil for diluting essential oils before skin contact, preventing irritation. A small dark glass bottle lets you safely prepare a custom hand or foot rub.

Discuss with your clinician

If your loved one has a history of allergies, asthma, or respiratory issues, ask the doctor if aromatherapy is safe for them.

If you are considering using essential oils as a replacement for prescribed medications (e.g., for anxiety or sleep), discuss this with the doctor first. Aromatherapy can be complementary but should not replace medical treatment without guidance.

If your loved one has a skin condition like eczema or very sensitive skin, ask about safe carrier oils and dilution ratios before applying any oil to the skin.

If you are pregnant or breastfeeding, check with your own doctor before using essential oils, as some oils are not recommended during pregnancy.

If your loved one has a history of seizures, ask the doctor about any oils that might be contraindicated (e.g., some sources suggest avoiding rosemary or eucalyptus in high doses).

If you are feeling persistently depressed, anxious, or overwhelmed as a caregiver, talk to your own doctor or a mental health professional. Aromatherapy is a helpful tool, but it is not a substitute for professional support.

Related guides

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