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Brick by Brick: using Duplo to bond with a person with dementia

Key points

  • The goal is connection and agency, not a finished product. Celebrate the process, not the outcome.
  • Start with just a few bricks and use simple, one-step instructions. Less is more.
  • Follow their lead. If they want to knock down a tower, let them. If they want to sort by color, join in.
  • Use a calm, positive mood. Your emotional state sets the tone for the interaction.
  • Keep sessions short (5–15 minutes) and end on a positive note, before they become tired or frustrated.
  • Adapt the activity to their current abilities and interests. What worked last month may need to be simplified today.

General caregiving information, not medical advice. Check medications and major care changes with your clinician.

Step-by-step

  1. Choose a time when they are alert and calm (after a meal or rest). Sit at eye level, clear clutter, speak slowly, and introduce yourself if needed.

  2. Frame the activity as an invitation: place a small pile of bricks between you and say, 'I could use your help with these. Would you mind?'

  3. Demonstrate by clicking two bricks together, then hand one over with 'You try yours. I'll do mine.' Wait patiently while they explore.

  4. Mirror their actions (stack if they stack, sort if they sort). If stuck, break it into one step with gestures. Ask 'May I help?' before physical guidance.

  5. Keep sessions 5–15 minutes. End at the first sign of fatigue (fidgeting, looking away) with a warm 'Thank you. That was fun. Let's put these away.'

  6. For non-verbal persons: place a brick in their hand, tap another against it in a slow rhythm while humming. Watch for a smile or returned tap.

  7. If they enjoy structure, sort a few red and blue bricks into two bowls with 'Can you help me put the red ones here and the blue ones there?'

What not to do

  • Do not correct or criticize how they handle the bricks.

  • Do not expect a specific outcome (pattern or recognizable build).

  • Do not overwhelm with many bricks; start with 5–6 of two colors.

  • Do not give multi-step instructions; use one short phrase at a time.

  • Do not take disengagement personally; try another time or activity.

  • Do not leave mid-session; stay beside them even if they play alone.

Practical tools

  • Invitation Script

    Exact lines to reframe the activity: 'I found these interesting blocks. I could use your help. Would you mind?' or 'Look at these — want to see what we can do?'

  • Two-Brick Start

    Click two bricks together slowly, then hand one over with 'You try yours. I'll do mine.' This models the action without demanding imitation.

  • Gentle Hand-Over-Hand Prompt

    When they cannot grasp, ask 'May I help?' then place your hand softly over theirs to guide pressing bricks together. Preserves their sense of doing it.

  • Sorting Station

    Two small bowls with mixed red and blue bricks. Say 'Let's put red in this bowl, blue in that.' Offers a clear, achievable goal.

  • Build-and-Knock Game

    Stack 3–4 bricks into a tower, tap it over playfully with 'Uh oh, it fell!' The cause-and-effect often sparks laughter and reaching.

  • Memory Box Companion

    Keep the same bricks in a dedicated box in a visible place. Bringing it out becomes a familiar ritual signaling 'special time together.'

Discuss with your clinician

If your loved one has a history of swallowing non-food items, ask your doctor if Duplo bricks are safe to use, or if a larger, completely sealed object would be better.

If your loved one has severe arthritis or hand pain, ask an occupational therapist for advice on how to modify the grip or if a different type of sensory object would be more comfortable.

If your loved one becomes unusually agitated or aggressive when presented with the bricks, discuss this behavior with your healthcare provider to rule out pain, infection, or other medical causes.

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