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Connecting Through the Screen: Using Video Calls with a Loved One Who Has Alzheimer’s

Video calls can feel like a lifeline when you can’t be in the same room, but for someone with Alzheimer’s, a face on a screen can be confusing or even unsettling. This guide walks you through why that happens and gives you concrete, step-by-step ways to make video calls a warm, successful connection. You’ll learn how to set up the call, what to say, and how to handle those moments when your loved one doesn’t recognize you. With a little preparation and a lot of patience, you can turn a screen into a bridge.

Key points

  • Video calls can be a powerful tool for connection, but they require preparation and patience.
  • Always start with your name and relationship, and use the name on the screen as a visual prompt.
  • If they don’t recognize you, redirect with neutral small talk and gentle memory prompts.
  • Keep calls short (5-10 minutes) and end on a positive note.
  • Use reminiscence about their past to spark joy and engagement.
  • Don’t take non-recognition personally; it’s the disease, not a reflection of your relationship.

Why Video Calls Can Be Tricky for Someone with Alzheimer’s

For a person in the early stage of Alzheimer’s, a video call presents a mix of familiar and unfamiliar cues. They see a face and hear a voice, but the person is not physically present, and the screen can feel like a barrier. The brain is working hard to process two things at once: the image and the sound, which can be overwhelming. This is especially true if the person is already dealing with difficulty finding words, losing their train of thought, or feeling easily overstimulated (source 8). The result can be confusion, frustration, or even withdrawal from the call.

The Power of the Name on the Screen

One of the simplest yet most powerful tools in a video call is the name displayed on the screen. For someone who is struggling to recognize faces, seeing a name alongside the face can act as a memory prompt. It helps bridge the gap between the visual and the familiar, making the connection feel safer and more recognizable (source 2). This is especially helpful in the early stage, when the person can still participate in meaningful conversation but may need a little help with recognition. The name on the screen is not just a label; it’s a gentle reminder of who you are.

When They Don’t Recognize You: What’s Really Happening

It can be heartbreaking when your loved one looks at you on the screen and doesn’t seem to know who you are. But this is not a reflection of your relationship or their love for you. The disease is affecting the parts of the brain that store and retrieve memories, especially recent ones. The person may feel confused or even frightened by the unfamiliar face on the screen. The key is to not take it personally. Instead, move past the moment of non-recognition and focus on the present connection. You can say something like, ‘It’s a beautiful day out, isn’t it?’ and then try a gentle memory prompt, like mentioning a shared memory or a familiar name (source 2). If they still don’t recognize you, that’s okay. They don’t have to know who you are to enjoy spending time with you.

General caregiving information, not medical advice. Check medications and major care changes with your clinician.

Step-by-step

  1. Set up the call environment: choose a quiet, well-lit room; camera at eye level; use a tablet or laptop, not a phone.

  2. Call when your loved one is most alert and calm (often mornings). Ask their care partner for the best time.

  3. Open with a warm greeting anchoring both of you by name, e.g., 'Hi Mom, it's me, Sarah, your daughter.' Ensure your name is visible on their screen.

  4. Keep conversation simple and present-focused: describe what you both can see. Avoid open-ended questions; offer concrete details to react to.

  5. Use reminiscence: ask about long-term memories (first job, childhood pet). Be ready to tell the story yourself if needed.

  6. If they seem confused or agitated, redirect gently to a calm sensory topic (e.g., 'I love that sweater color').

  7. Keep calls short: 5 to 10 minutes. End while they are still engaged.

  8. Close with a simple, loving statement: 'I love you. I'll call again tomorrow.'

  9. After the call, reflect and adjust: if the screen confused them, try a phone call next time; if a pet made them light up, bring the pet back.

What not to do

  • Don't ask 'Do you know who I am?' Introduce yourself warmly instead.

  • Don't correct wrong names or stories. Stay with the feeling of the moment.

  • Don't talk fast, use complex sentences, or jump topics. One idea at a time.

  • Don't expect them to remember the call. Success is the warm feeling during it.

  • Don't take disinterest personally; they may be tired or overstimulated. Honor their need to end early.

Practical tools

  • The 'Beautiful Day' Redirect

    If they don't recognize you, use a neutral positive opener ('Beautiful day out, isn't it?'). If recognition still doesn't come, stay in small talk and enjoy the warmth of being together.

  • The Reminiscence Question Bank

    Prepare a short list of open-ended questions about long-term memories: 'What was your favorite job?' 'Tell me about your first car.' These tap into well-preserved memories when present-talk runs dry.

  • The 'Show and Tell' Setup

    Keep physical objects within reach to hold up to the camera: a photo album, a familiar mug, a grandchild's drawing. Visual cues often spark recognition faster than words alone.

  • The Short-Call Timer

    Set a soft timer for 5 to 10 minutes. When it goes off, wrap up warmly: 'I have to go now, but I'll call again soon.' Ending on a high note is easier with a quiet nudge.

  • The Care Partner Check-In

    Before the call, ask the care partner about mood, energy, pain, and recent events. Tailor the call (very short, soothing) to the day's condition.

  • A Helper on Their End

    Whenever possible, have someone physically present to hand over the tablet, adjust the angle, repeat your phrases, or calm confusion. A video call felt together is more grounding than one felt alone.

Discuss with your clinician

If your loved one becomes very agitated or confused during video calls, discuss with their clinician whether the calls are appropriate or if there are underlying issues like pain or medication side effects.

If you notice a sudden change in their ability to recognize you or communicate, discuss this with their doctor, as it could signal a change in their condition or a new medical issue.

If the person with Alzheimer’s refuses to take medications that help with mood or anxiety, discuss with their clinician alternative strategies or medication adjustments.

If you have concerns about the person’s safety during calls (e.g., they seem to be in distress or are not being cared for properly), discuss with a social worker or the Alzheimer’s Association helpline.

Related guides

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