Using Curiosity and 'Yes, And' Improvisation to Respond When Your Loved One Says or Does Something Nonsensical

When the person you care for says something that doesn't match reality—like insisting they need to go to a bank that closed years ago or that a stranger is in the room—your first instinct may be to correct them. But that often leads to frustration for both of you. Instead, you can shift from judgment to curiosity, using a gentle 'yes, and' approach borrowed from improvisation. This page gives you exact words to say, step-by-step actions, and practical tools to turn confusing moments into connection. You are not alone in this, and there are concrete things you can try right now.

Key points

• Shift from judgment to curiosity: instead of assuming they are wrong, ask yourself what need or emotion is behind their words.
• Use 'yes, and' to accept their reality without agreeing to a false premise, then gently guide the conversation.
• Acknowledge the emotion first—fear, anxiety, or loneliness—before addressing the content of what they said.
• Do not argue, correct, or use 'I just told you.' These approaches increase frustration for both of you.
• If the behavior is not harmful, consider letting it go. Sometimes the best response is no response.
• Keep a log of what works and reuse successful phrases and strategies—'copy and paste' what helps.

What Is Happening and Why

When your loved one says something that seems nonsensical to you, it is not a sign of stubbornness or confusion that needs fixing. Instead, it is a form of communication. Their brain is processing the world differently, and the words they say are often an expression of an unmet need, an emotion, or a memory that has surfaced. As one dementia care expert explains, we want to stop assuming we know what the person is doing and start assessing what they are actually doing—getting curious about what is behind their words (source [6]). This shift from judgment to curiosity is the master key to finding the right response.

Why 'Yes, And' Works

Improvisation teaches us to accept what is offered and build on it, rather than blocking or correcting. When you say 'yes, and' to your loved one's reality, you validate their experience without agreeing to a false premise. For example, if they say they need to go to the bank, you can say, 'Oh, you need to go to the bank? Tell me more—are you going to make a deposit or maybe get some cash for lunch?' This approach acknowledges their emotion and opens a door to conversation, rather than slamming it shut with a correction. As one source notes, by going into the conversation with open curiosity, you naturally find a window to redirect to something completely different (source [10]).

The Role of Emotion and Reassurance

Often, the nonsensical statement is rooted in a feeling—fear, anxiety, loneliness, or a sense of being lost. The person may need reassurance that they are safe and cared for. One expert suggests trying phrases like, 'It sounds like you may be feeling unsettled. I'm here and I want to help,' or 'Don't worry. I'm here to protect you. My job is to hang out with you and have some fun' (source [4]). These responses meet the emotional need first, which can calm the situation and make redirection possible. Remember, your goal is not to win an argument but to connect and comfort.

General caregiving information, not medical advice. Check medications and major care changes with your clinician.

Discuss with your clinician

If the nonsensical statements are accompanied by new or worsening agitation, aggression, or hallucinations, discuss with your clinician whether a medication adjustment or evaluation for delirium is needed.

If your loved one is on medications for dementia or other conditions, ask the doctor if any side effects could be contributing to confusion or unusual statements.

If the behavior becomes dangerous (e.g., trying to leave the house to go to a place that no longer exists), discuss safety interventions like door alarms or a MedicAlert bracelet with your clinician.

If you are feeling overwhelmed or unable to cope with the repetitive questions or statements, ask your doctor about caregiver support resources, including counseling or respite care.

Related guides

• Responding to repetitive, angry phone calls
• Validation vs. reorientation: should you enter their reality?
• Sensory communication strategies for dementia
• Redirecting frightening hallucinations
• Using music to connect when words are gone
• Communication changes to reduce caregiver stress
• the thought diet for caregivers
• Caregiver self-regulation when agitation arises
• Nonverbal communication for calming dementia agitation

Sources

• AAFP
• Alzheimer's Association
• Am Academy of Neurology
• agingcare.com
• mcpress.mayoclinic.org
• pennmemorycenter.org
• Teepa Snow's Positive Approach to Care
• Dementia Careblazers
• Answers About Alzheimer's