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Using music without any musical training

Key points

  • Music reaches parts of the brain that remain intact, allowing for connection even when language fails.
  • You do not need musical training—your presence and intention are what make music a connector, not a babysitter.
  • Use music from your loved one's young adult years (ages 15-25) for the strongest response.
  • Always stay present during music; your participation is key to the therapeutic effect.
  • Watch your loved one's cues—if they seem agitated, switch songs or stop. The goal is comfort, not performance.
  • Pair music with gentle touch or simple instruments to deepen engagement.

General caregiving information, not medical advice. Check medications and major care changes with your clinician.

Step-by-step

  1. Start by making a playlist of music from your loved one's young adult years (ages 15-25). This is the period when music is most deeply encoded in the brain. Ask family members or look for clues in old records, CDs, or even their favorite radio station from that era. Use a simple smartphone or tablet with a speaker, or a portable CD player if that is easier.

  2. Before playing music, set the environment. Reduce other noises like the TV or radio. Sit close to your loved one, at eye level, and smile. Say something warm like, 'Let's listen to some music together. I found some songs I think you'll love.' This sets a positive, inviting tone.

  3. Start with one or two familiar, upbeat songs that you know they enjoyed. Watch their face and body language. If they smile, tap a foot, or hum along, that is a good sign. If they seem agitated or turn away, stop and try a different song or a quieter genre. The goal is connection, not forcing a reaction.

  4. Invite participation without pressure. Gently say, 'Would you like to clap along?' or 'I love this part—let's hum it together.' If they are able, hand them a simple instrument like a shaker egg or a small bell. If they cannot hold it, you can tap the rhythm on their hand or knee. The key is to follow their lead and not demand anything.

  5. If your loved one is in a later stage and cannot speak, use music to communicate through touch. Hold their hand and sway gently to the beat. Sing softly to them, using their name in the song if you can. For example, you might sing, 'You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, dear [name].' This can be deeply calming and reassuring.

  6. Use music to ease transitions, such as before a bath or a meal. Play a calming song (like a lullaby or a slow hymn) for 5-10 minutes before the activity. This can lower anxiety and make the task feel less threatening. After the activity, play an upbeat song to celebrate and create a positive association.

  7. If your loved one becomes agitated or sundowns in the evening, try playing music that is slow, familiar, and has a steady rhythm—like classical pieces, folk songs, or hymns they know. Sit with them and hum along. The music can help regulate their breathing and heart rate, reducing agitation without needing medication.

  8. Record yourself singing a simple, familiar song (like 'Amazing Grace' or 'You Are My Sunshine') on your phone. You can play this recording when you are not there, such as during a respite break or if they are in a facility. Your voice, even recorded, can provide comfort because it is familiar and associated with safety.

What not to do

  • Do not play music loudly or from a distant speaker. This can feel overwhelming and confusing, like noise rather than connection. Instead, keep the volume low and sit close so the music feels intimate and shared.

  • Do not leave the room after starting the music. If you walk away, the music becomes a babysitter and may cause your loved one to feel abandoned or confused. Stay present, even if you are just sitting quietly nearby. Your presence is part of the therapy.

  • Do not play unfamiliar or modern music, especially if it has fast tempos or complex arrangements. This can increase agitation because the brain cannot process it. Stick to songs from their youth or genres they loved (e.g., big band, gospel, classical).

  • Do not force your loved one to sing, dance, or play an instrument if they resist. Pressure can cause frustration and make them associate music with stress. Instead, model the behavior yourself—hum, sway, or tap—and let them join in if they choose.

  • Do not use music as a punishment or a reward (e.g., 'If you finish your meal, you can hear music'). This turns music into a transactional tool rather than a source of joy. Use it freely and consistently as a way to connect, not to control behavior.

Practical tools

  • The 'Golden Era' Playlist

    Create a simple playlist on a smartphone or MP3 player with 10-15 songs from your loved one's young adult years (ages 15-25). Include songs they danced to at weddings, sang in church, or listened to on the radio. Use free apps like Spotify or YouTube to find these songs. Label the playlist with their name and a date. Keep it on a dedicated device so it is easy to access.

  • Simple Rhythm Instruments

    Buy a few inexpensive, easy-to-hold instruments like shaker eggs, jingle bells, or rhythm sticks (available online or at music stores). Keep them in a basket near the music player. When you play a song, offer one to your loved one and say, 'Let's play along together.' If they cannot hold it, you can shake it near them or tap it gently on their hand.

  • The 'Calm Down' Song Script

    Memorize a short, slow song that your loved one knows well, such as 'Amazing Grace' or 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.' When they become agitated, sit beside them, take their hand, and begin humming or singing the song softly. Use a slow, steady rhythm. Do not talk over the music. Let the song repeat two or three times until you see their breathing slow or their body relax.

  • The 'Sing-Along' Card

    Write down the first line of a few favorite songs on an index card. Keep it in your pocket or purse. When you are out and your loved one seems anxious (e.g., at a doctor's appointment), you can pull out the card and start singing the first line. This can ground them in a familiar moment and reduce panic.

  • The 'Music and Touch' Routine

    Pair music with gentle touch. For example, while a slow song plays, hold their hand and gently stroke their palm or arm. Or, if they are in a wheelchair, stand behind them and gently sway the chair to the beat. This combines auditory and tactile stimulation, which can be especially calming for those in later stages.

Discuss with your clinician

If your loved one has a history of seizures, ask the doctor if certain types of music (e.g., with strong beats or flashing lights) could trigger a seizure.

If your loved one is on medications that affect heart rate or blood pressure, ask if music with a very fast tempo could cause overstimulation or physical strain.

If your loved one has hearing aids, ask the audiologist how to best use music without causing feedback or discomfort.

If your loved one becomes extremely agitated or aggressive during music, discuss this with the doctor to rule out pain or other medical causes.

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